It’s Gotten Quiet, to Quiet.

Sometimes I think I am oversensitive but Second life has been depressing me just a little bit lately. Now don’t get me wrong, the times I have with my partner Genie are the best times I have ever had in SL and I almost can’t imagine the place with out him sharing it with me. He is the best and brightest part. The store is going ok. I can’t seem to catch any breaks when it comes to shows or recognition but if I keep plugging, that will come. Maybe. At least my land fees are being covered by sales every month and the store looks awesome. So no real complaints there.

me1

What really started this discontent was the  fading of what had not even really yet become a real friendship. There was a talented woman designer who I shall not name here. She helped me greatly on my designing, giving me a few tips and tricks to vastly improve my work.  She seemed honestly happy for me and interested in what I was doing. I was in awe of her so I made a point not to bother her often but every couple days or so I would wave or have brief chat, or ask her advice or opinion. Then suddenly she started needing to log off when i said Hi…or was to busy to chat. I never minded, she was very famous after all and i am a nobody who was just pleased that she had time for me at all. Then she vanished. I had not seen her listed on my friends list as logged in at all for a good 2 weeks and I was concerned about her, normally she was there nearly every day.

Then someone on a channel mentioned that they were talking to her at the moment. On my list, she was still listed as not logged in. Just as a test, i sent her a friendly little “Hi lovely”  IM.  She sent me a “Hi” back and that was that. I won’t bother her any more. Hmmm….guess she felt she had to hide from me.

Now I really wonder what I did to offend her and bring on this change….and chances are I will never ever know. In my head I have gone over every conversation where i may have mentioned her and i can’t find where the slight or insult was. She won’t likely ever contact me too clear it up…in hind site i realize she never did greet me first, maybe I should have taken a clue from that.

It has made me wonder who else I bother. I have a long list of  names on my friend list, but I can be on SL for hours and not hear from anyone. Genie and Harper, my sister both log on and have 15- minutes of IMs to deal with…that has never happened to me. If I log on….nobody seems to notice. Would more then 3 people even take note if i vanished entirely?

Do I expect to much? Am I being paranoid in thinking that if people don’t ever greet you, they don’t really care if they ever talk to you or not?  Am I the only one that looks at my friends list now and then and is happy to see some of my favorite people there? All I know is that lately I am pulling back into my old hermit ways, waiting days to say hi to folks and not making any hard effort to engage people in chat.  I don’t want to lose anyone else.

Or worse yet…find out there was never anything to lose in the first place.

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4 Responses to “It’s Gotten Quiet, to Quiet.”

  1. slerybygenie Says:

    Listen darlin, people always let you down, it’s happened to me over the last week with one person I thought I was particularly close to. We are not gods or even angels, we are self centred human beings with many a hidden agenda and many an expectation of what we think others should be like/behave towards us. The only real completeness is to be at peace with one’s own personality and not to bring oneself down by behaving in an ignoble, spiteful or contrary manner. That way the immortal part of us, our soul, is unaffected by wordly matters and evolves through experience and the expression of friendship and love. It’s the only sane way to live.

  2. Lexi Vargas Says:

    Nobody should let down my Genie, there should only be love and adoration for you. However I suspect I know who this was that did so for she has done a violation to me as well and added to the general air of melancholy that has been draped over me this week. The only constant in life is that all things change, for good..or for ill. I find that I feel self-required now to try prove the truth of myself, resentful that i feel that need and sad and tired in the knowledge that even when I do, it will not make a difference in how things feel now.

    Then again, perhaps I am deluding myself and it was really me that let you down this week. Either way, I really do adore you.

  3. slerybygenie Says:

    Scrub that second to last sentence! It was not you, darlin. I think it was the demon of jealousy. Samhain is drawing near, it can bring out the best and/or worst in people. But it is just a period of time and even time is an illusion since it speeds or tarries according to our moods. I reiterate what I said before, balance is everything. ❤

  4. I *suck* at saying hi to anyone, uhm, including Ren at times because I get so focused on what I’m doing, Every hi you send me makes me grin. I’ll attempt to be a bit better at beating you to the punch.

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